I’m getting bored of Girls. I think the most exciting part was figuring out that artist dude who guest starred was The Lonely Island’s Jorma Taccone. It was a head-scratcher because I usually only picture him with this face:
That’s him jizzing in his pants because of a cool draft…and Marnie was all over that. Booth (the weirdly creepy artist) and Marnie had met at her gallery’s party, after her drunkass boss introduced them and said something really racist—“You know what I say about men who fuck Asian women” No, what DO you say?? More racism—probably something that Girls doesn’t need right now.
Sometime during the party Marnie and Booth leave for some air. Sure they flirt, but it’s innocent enough until Jizzy Pants goes:
“I want you to know, the first time I fuck you, I might scare you a little. Because I’m a man, and I know how to do things.”
Booth quickly parts ways, but that bon mot leaves Marnie’s all hot and bothered and she runs immediately back to the party and locks herself in the bathroom to rub one out. Yes, she masturbates—during a party. She couldn’t wait until she was in bed with her clueless boyfriend?
Per the episode’s title, that’s not something adventurous women do. Hell, no one does what the girls in Girls do, which is why this show is pissing me off because I really thought the show started off as something I could really relate to.
The show really starts off with Hannah finding out that she has HPV. So something DID get up around the sides of Hannah and Adam’s condoms. Adam acts all offended because because he refuses to believe that he gave it to her. Even still, Hannah’s so clearly in love with him that she asks him “Will you still have sex with me?” He huffs, “When it’s appropriate,” and he some some frenetic bicycle kicks on his bed. That’s what’s on her mind?? Not that she has pre-cancer or that she doesn’t have a job and has rent due in a week. Again I ask, WHY DOES SHE LIKE THIS GUY?? Because she’s adventurous??
I actually like Adam a lot more than Hannah because he can’t help being stupid. Hannah sucks so much because she’s a smart, capable woman who allows someone to squish her fat and leaves her unsatisfied in bed. I’m really not wanting to recap this stupid show anymore because of her. Must. Truck. On.
Moving on to Jessa, who has herself moved on from being pregnant and found herself a babysitting gig, looking after two actual humans. The kiddies are sweeties and it’s nice seeing Jessa bond with them. Then their pot-smoking dad comes home and they share a doobie. They don’t have sex, even though it’s clearly looking like they will.
Not a lot to report with Shoshanna. She was in a Snuggie and watching bad TV shows in her apartment with Hannah, and bemoaning still how she’s a virgin. The only purpose she had in this ep was to beg Hannah to meet up with her college boyfriend, Elijah, because Hannah probably got HPV from him. It’s called STD karma, always do the right thing and tell your ex-lovers the diseases you may or may not have received from them. Easy.
Except now Elijah’s gay, and the whole next scene with them meeting up again was about his new lifestyle. It doesn’t really answer if Hannah got HPV from him or not but now Hannah has way more self-loathing because he basically slept with her during their two-year courtship because she’s kind of handsome, according to him. Ouch. They then get in a little hissy fit because their relationship was built on a lie and ends with Elijah accusing Hannah’s dad of being gay. That was kind of funny.
Anyway, Hannah still has HPV and to deal with her sitch, like any normal human she takes it to Twitter. Oh, there’s no better window to the soul than microblogging. A few rejected 140-characters-or-less ponders later, Robyn’s “Dancing On My Own” plays on her comp and she finally clicks Tweet with the nebulous witticism: “All adventurous women do.” Nothing like a Robyn song to help you power through an eventual cervical scraping. Hannah turns up the volume on the kicky song and does some silly dancing, and Marnie finds her and laughs and joins her and they hug and end scene.
I retract an earlier statement I made about actual girls not doing what girls in Girls do—I DO silly dance to Robyn. All adventurous women definitely do that.